Well, I'm getting this blog started to write down the adventures Molly and I will be having! We have already started out with many unexpected happenings. Our story is somewhat nontraditional. This first post will be lengthier than most to come, so please bear with me. I want to get the background out so you all know why Molly Mae is just so special to me and my family.

Early in 2013, right before I found out I was pregnant, I knew that things with my marriage weren't going well. I was positive that if things were to proceed as they were, divorce was on the table(but this will not be the focus of the blog). A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant, and was rightfully quite worried about the future and what to do. We tried to make it work by going to counselling, but we knew that it just wasn't going to happen as the needed changes weren't happening. It was finally decided that we were going to get divorced and that the best thing that we could do for our little baby was to place her for adoption with a stable family with two parents and the ability to give her all the things that we couldn't do separated. I was so sure that adoption was the absolute best thing for my baby girl, because I didn't want her father to be a part of raising her and I didn't want the split home situation. 

So, I went to LDS Family Services and started seeing a counselor and going to the birth mother groups. It was really a great experience for me to meet all these new people in a similar situation as me. I looked through many families and finally I decided on a couple that I actually have known for years. I was very excited about the situation, because I knew it would be a very open adoption and I'd be able to see my little girl all the time. It was an ideal situation. I had a few concerns along the way that I worked through. But I was so set on the adoption just about the whole way through my pregnancy. I thought that since I knew she was going to be placed with another family, that I could limit the bonding experiences that women often do during pregnancy. I thought that I'd be able to get through this with some difficulty, but I never imagined. 

Long story short, I went into labor and had a baby-even had the adoptive mother present to cut the umbilical cord, and  all the while still planning on the adoption. I went into labor late Friday night and then had two days with baby in the hospital. Then Sunday night came around and it hit me. The next morning I was going to be signing away all my parental rights to my baby. I was not going to be her mom. I was going to have no say to what happened in her life. I wouldnt be there for the little moments of her life, and I wouldn;t be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be her mom. I was her mom. I need her and she needs me. She was just too precious and I couldnt give her up. I rexamined my reasons for wanting to originally place her for adoption, and I decided that all the negative things I'd have to deal with would be worth it as long as I had her. I love her more than anything.  My little Molly Mae.

While I left out many details of the story, it still stands that here I am, 3 1/2 weeks later with a sweet little baby and no regrets. It has definitely been hard because we weren't prepared in anyway to bring a baby home from the hospital. We have been so grateful for the help and donations that people have given us. And so the adventures begin!

Christmas baby!

Her model shots before bath time!

Preparing this girl to be a cat lover!

Just after Molly was born and cleaned up!